Advice at Hand
Welcome to Advice at Hand!
This is a coaching site that caters to assisting individuals in personal development. In the last few months, I have had many requests for help
with dating and/or coping with life as a single person (often those in transition from a long term relationship). I have been "coaching"
individuals for some time now, well before the terms "life coach" or "personal coach" became such popular buzzwords! Coaching differs from
counseling in that the "coach" and the "client" work more as a team. There is no psychoanalysis or diagnosis and each "coach" has their own
style. Much like sports psychology, mentoring, and really Rogerian theory, the position is that "we" as human beings have the answers inside of
us! The coach assists you, providing perspective, confirmation, challenge, and accountability.
So, if you are feeling stuck in your relationship, your career, or going through a life transition then coaching is a great option for you. You will
find that my email sessions are affordable, goal oriented and accessible. I would recommend checking out the "Services" page to find a
curriculum or program that might work with your budget and take the next step towards feeling more fulfilled.
If you are interested in my dating assessment try my E-Article on "Dating with a Purpose." It includes a short questionnaire that you fill out and
send back to me and I will send a detailed, personalized response to you. To get started, click on the Paypal button and include your email
address for contact so that I can send you the info!
This is a coaching site that caters to assisting individuals in personal development. In the last few months, I have had many requests for help
with dating and/or coping with life as a single person (often those in transition from a long term relationship). I have been "coaching"
individuals for some time now, well before the terms "life coach" or "personal coach" became such popular buzzwords! Coaching differs from
counseling in that the "coach" and the "client" work more as a team. There is no psychoanalysis or diagnosis and each "coach" has their own
style. Much like sports psychology, mentoring, and really Rogerian theory, the position is that "we" as human beings have the answers inside of
us! The coach assists you, providing perspective, confirmation, challenge, and accountability.
So, if you are feeling stuck in your relationship, your career, or going through a life transition then coaching is a great option for you. You will
find that my email sessions are affordable, goal oriented and accessible. I would recommend checking out the "Services" page to find a
curriculum or program that might work with your budget and take the next step towards feeling more fulfilled.
If you are interested in my dating assessment try my E-Article on "Dating with a Purpose." It includes a short questionnaire that you fill out and
send back to me and I will send a detailed, personalized response to you. To get started, click on the Paypal button and include your email
address for contact so that I can send you the info!
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March 31-April 6th, 2008
Words from Docmomi -
In general,
This life is meant to be somewhat spiritual. Whatever your particular background
is, the common link is the "feeling" that many of us have that there is someone
or something that is our "higher power." I just came across the coolest
experience from a women who is a neurologist. She experienced a stroke and
chronicles what happened because she was cognizant in it's duration...here is
the link...http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/229
Next topic...
Women making money
Now is that a bad thing? I know many of us are conditioned to believe that it is wrong or
off putting to be ambitious about making money. The truth is, most of our partners are
happy about the fact that we can or are willing to supplement or provide income to our
homes. Is this most important? It depends on how you feel and how your spouse feels
about the roles, needs, and wants of your family system. In this country, we do have
variations and choices about our lives...that is a good thing.
However, if you are out earning a living at the expense of your family's wellbeing and you
do not need to be doing so, then you might want to sit down and think about the "why's"
and "ramifications" about your choices. Many of us (single moms, struggling families,
moms who are the main earners...), do not have the luxury of saying "nay" in these
situations. So, what are we doing with the money we are earning? Is it going into an
interest earning account? Do you have your own stock portfolio? Have you even
considered creating your own living will? Creating our own wealth and providing support
to our families are empowering acts. Whether you are a full-time stay-at-home mom or an
attorney who takes care of your stay-at-home hubby and children, we do need to educate
ourselves about our investments and debt obligations. Respecting ourselves increases
when we are aware and directive in our own destinies. It is never too late as long as we
are still moving about and cognizant!
DATING!?:)
Do you feel a bit puzzled, frustrated, yet excited about dating? If so, join the
club! Many of us going through the trenches of dating relationships have
experienced all of the above. A big problem is having different expectations from
the person you are interested in. Often we hear and see and project what we
want onto the other person or situation. That is the first mistake! The second is
just not listening to what the other person is really saying about where they
stand and what they have to offer. Get clear about what you want from a
relationship and then try not to put those expectations on the other person. If
you really listen and pay attention to whether their actions match their words
then you might get on the right track. If you want to work more specifically on
your dating life and/or relationship please sign up for the E-Article on dating and
let's get started :)
Parenting Advice 101 - Feeling the Crazies?
So Let's Talk About Parenting...
If you feel like your head is spinning, odds are, your children are running the show. Have
you ever been with a friend and have seen her eyes kind of get that "look"? It is a look
that represents how most of us have felt at one time or another, but it is as if she is "on
her last nerve" (as one of my friend' refers to it!).
The "look" is often brought on by the dynamics that can occur with parents who have lost
the reins somehow. They negotiate too much with their children, make threats that they
never follow through on, and for some reason, are afraid to go "toe to toe" with their
child's acting out behavior.
Let me tell you something...it is much easier to lay down a tough and solid boundary with
your 4, 5 or 6 year old, than it will be when they are 12. If you are afraid of the
ramifications now, you will clearly have lost that power when they are teenagers.
Here is the thing, kids need the boundaries, they need to know and feel that someone is
in charge and that the program is clear. The greatest disservice we can do to our children
is to be wishy-washy or unclear. Kids need to learn early on how to deal with
disappointment too. It is this process that will help them to problem solve and develop
the skills to deal with adversity later on. Children who do not have clear boundaries will
continue to push the envelope and often fail to learn the concept of respect...I have seen
this time and again with kids that are in the juvenile system.
Give yourself a break and take charge again...it is okay!
So, when you are feeling a little guilty for sending your child to bed for slapping their
sibling, speaking disrespectfully to you, or throwing a tantrum when asked to perform a
basic task; think again. Odds are after a few incidents of tough parenting with Mom or
Dad (or other caregivers) they will know who is boss and they will respect you more for it.
The parental credo that I follow is "reward the behavior you want to see" and "do not
reinforce negative behavior by giving it lots of attention" (that is when you negotiate too
much, do not follow through with punishment, etc...). More on this topic later, but give the
child one chance to improve the situation and if they repeat the negative behavior shortly
thereafter quickly implement the punishment...which may be a time out, removal from the
room, removal of their favorite toy, etc...
For more tips or questions about specific behaviors feel free to write to me at
docmomi@adviceathand.com or go to the Services Page for email coaching.
Book recommendations...
Extraordinary Circumstances by Scott Berne. You can order this true story written by a
friend of mine who is a survivor on many levels. He and his brother were victims of
parental kidnapping that became the landmark case of parental abduction in the US. You
can purchase this book through www.BarnesandNobles.com or visit a store. Feel free to
email me at customerservice@adviceathand.com for books that you would like to
recommend. Thanks! Docmomi
Words from Docmomi -
In general,
This life is meant to be somewhat spiritual. Whatever your particular background
is, the common link is the "feeling" that many of us have that there is someone
or something that is our "higher power." I just came across the coolest
experience from a women who is a neurologist. She experienced a stroke and
chronicles what happened because she was cognizant in it's duration...here is
the link...http://www.ted.com/talks/view/id/229
Next topic...
Women making money
Now is that a bad thing? I know many of us are conditioned to believe that it is wrong or
off putting to be ambitious about making money. The truth is, most of our partners are
happy about the fact that we can or are willing to supplement or provide income to our
homes. Is this most important? It depends on how you feel and how your spouse feels
about the roles, needs, and wants of your family system. In this country, we do have
variations and choices about our lives...that is a good thing.
However, if you are out earning a living at the expense of your family's wellbeing and you
do not need to be doing so, then you might want to sit down and think about the "why's"
and "ramifications" about your choices. Many of us (single moms, struggling families,
moms who are the main earners...), do not have the luxury of saying "nay" in these
situations. So, what are we doing with the money we are earning? Is it going into an
interest earning account? Do you have your own stock portfolio? Have you even
considered creating your own living will? Creating our own wealth and providing support
to our families are empowering acts. Whether you are a full-time stay-at-home mom or an
attorney who takes care of your stay-at-home hubby and children, we do need to educate
ourselves about our investments and debt obligations. Respecting ourselves increases
when we are aware and directive in our own destinies. It is never too late as long as we
are still moving about and cognizant!
DATING!?:)
Do you feel a bit puzzled, frustrated, yet excited about dating? If so, join the
club! Many of us going through the trenches of dating relationships have
experienced all of the above. A big problem is having different expectations from
the person you are interested in. Often we hear and see and project what we
want onto the other person or situation. That is the first mistake! The second is
just not listening to what the other person is really saying about where they
stand and what they have to offer. Get clear about what you want from a
relationship and then try not to put those expectations on the other person. If
you really listen and pay attention to whether their actions match their words
then you might get on the right track. If you want to work more specifically on
your dating life and/or relationship please sign up for the E-Article on dating and
let's get started :)
Parenting Advice 101 - Feeling the Crazies?
So Let's Talk About Parenting...
If you feel like your head is spinning, odds are, your children are running the show. Have
you ever been with a friend and have seen her eyes kind of get that "look"? It is a look
that represents how most of us have felt at one time or another, but it is as if she is "on
her last nerve" (as one of my friend' refers to it!).
The "look" is often brought on by the dynamics that can occur with parents who have lost
the reins somehow. They negotiate too much with their children, make threats that they
never follow through on, and for some reason, are afraid to go "toe to toe" with their
child's acting out behavior.
Let me tell you something...it is much easier to lay down a tough and solid boundary with
your 4, 5 or 6 year old, than it will be when they are 12. If you are afraid of the
ramifications now, you will clearly have lost that power when they are teenagers.
Here is the thing, kids need the boundaries, they need to know and feel that someone is
in charge and that the program is clear. The greatest disservice we can do to our children
is to be wishy-washy or unclear. Kids need to learn early on how to deal with
disappointment too. It is this process that will help them to problem solve and develop
the skills to deal with adversity later on. Children who do not have clear boundaries will
continue to push the envelope and often fail to learn the concept of respect...I have seen
this time and again with kids that are in the juvenile system.
Give yourself a break and take charge again...it is okay!
So, when you are feeling a little guilty for sending your child to bed for slapping their
sibling, speaking disrespectfully to you, or throwing a tantrum when asked to perform a
basic task; think again. Odds are after a few incidents of tough parenting with Mom or
Dad (or other caregivers) they will know who is boss and they will respect you more for it.
The parental credo that I follow is "reward the behavior you want to see" and "do not
reinforce negative behavior by giving it lots of attention" (that is when you negotiate too
much, do not follow through with punishment, etc...). More on this topic later, but give the
child one chance to improve the situation and if they repeat the negative behavior shortly
thereafter quickly implement the punishment...which may be a time out, removal from the
room, removal of their favorite toy, etc...
For more tips or questions about specific behaviors feel free to write to me at
docmomi@adviceathand.com or go to the Services Page for email coaching.
Book recommendations...
Extraordinary Circumstances by Scott Berne. You can order this true story written by a
friend of mine who is a survivor on many levels. He and his brother were victims of
parental kidnapping that became the landmark case of parental abduction in the US. You
can purchase this book through www.BarnesandNobles.com or visit a store. Feel free to
email me at customerservice@adviceathand.com for books that you would like to
recommend. Thanks! Docmomi